a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
