So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
