He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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