i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You ate ashes out of my bong
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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