the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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