Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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