Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
