your parents love me but you hate me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
this hospital has no fireball
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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