Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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