You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
