She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
