Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize