Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
