I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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