she looked like the before picture.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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