I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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