One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
