I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
