How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
