I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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