Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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