just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
