I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
