Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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