At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
