OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So squirting runs in the family.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
