apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize