We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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