dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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