Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
