All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
