my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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