oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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