dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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