I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
