Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
