the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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