at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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