I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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