so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize