Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
