I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
