maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
Randomize
