Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
