Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
