coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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