Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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