If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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