end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
