Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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