I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
