So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
