dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
