I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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