I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
