I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
