Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
