Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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