Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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