You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize