Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
