I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think my vagina is haunted
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
