as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
