You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
