you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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