Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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