I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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