He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
