so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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