Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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