marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
