Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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