you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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