Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
