Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
