how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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