you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
