trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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