Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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