I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
