After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
