turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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