The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
