If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
