Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
