wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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