Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
