i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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