That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
