I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Say something about gay babies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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