Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
