Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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