:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
