WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
