K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
