Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
