This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
