Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
