that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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