i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this will be a night to untag.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
