No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
