Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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