My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
