I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
