So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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