I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
